Can I be real and vulnerable for a minute?
Right now, I am feeling self-conscious about my body. It feels strange to type that thought, because this is a new experience for me.
I’ve never had the sort of body issues that are, unfortunately, so common among women in our skinny-obsessed society. The most I’ve ever weighed was 114 pounds, and that was after months of eating MREs (which average 1,250 calories per meal). My body has maintained a constant 99-101 pounds almost my entire adult life, regardless of whether I was eating raw/vegan, preparing for duathlons, weight training to “bulk up,” or shoving fast food in my mouth.
No, my “body issues,” if we can even call them that, were ones others girls said I was “lucky” to have. But when Meghan Trainor released “All About That Bass,” part of me felt envious of ladies carrying a bit more cushion for the pushin’. Finding clothes as a size 0P is tough. Finding size 30D bras is downright torturous. “No, Victoria’s Secret saleslady, I cannot wear a 32C. Yes, I know it’s considered the ‘sister size.'” I eventually stopped going into Victoria’s Secret and started ordering online instead.
Then I had a baby. And I breastfed. And my already-tiny body got… smaller. No matter how much and how often I ate, my 100-pound homeostasis dropped to 96 pounds… and stayed there. I’m now a 00P, which means I might as well be shopping in the little girl’s department.
I’ve never been a big fan of cosmetic surgery, but now I find myself feeling envious when I see my friends’ took-fat-from-here-and-implanted-it-there results. However, you can’t create more shapely curves when there’s no fat to take. What’s a girl to do?
Answer: Treat yourself like you would a client: without judgment or criticism.
So here begins the journey of learning to lean in to the discomfort of self-consciousness; of re-learning to love my body, no matter what shape it takes. Because even in a business that is so often driven by superficiality, I believe self-acceptance is one of the sexiest things a woman can wear. Meghan Trainor might not be about the treble, but I’m going to make sweet music out of mine.
